The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
