Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
