am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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