At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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