People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
