you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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