Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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