I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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