did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
