he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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