Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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