if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
