it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
