He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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