Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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