quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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