So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize