The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
