oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
