guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
