Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
