its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
