I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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