dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
