He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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