i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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