Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
40s are totally the cure
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
