A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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