saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
