it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
