You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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