So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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