He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
