So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I stole a fireplace last night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
