Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize