True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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