My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
