He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
