Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
