I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
