My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm too high and old for this...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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