I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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