I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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