I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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