He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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