Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize