the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
