Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
