You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
