You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
