Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
