she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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