I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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