Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
