Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
