so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
