so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
