She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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