What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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