Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
