I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
