You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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