he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
