blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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