Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
