singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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