last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You have to summon your inner elephant
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
