Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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