this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
