just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
