I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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