I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
