Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
