So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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