I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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