she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
