I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
