my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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