This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
