I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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